Authenticity. We like things that are authentic. Things that are REAL. We also like people who are authentic. People who are REAL. As our civilization grows, however, it seems to become increasingly difficult to live authentically. Why is that? As entities grow bigger — whether nations or companies — there’s an increasing need for organization. Structure emerges, and with structure comes rules...
I was telling my friend about my recent foray into scuba diving. “My first few times out have been a bit bumpy,” I told her. “I didn’t learn how to swim until later in life and, well, I’m just not very good in the water. Never have been.” She interrupted immediately. “Don’t say such a thing! Don’t program your mind like that. You’re great in the water!” And just like that she had pointed out a...
What’s the difference between philosophy and photography? One uses a camera. Aside from that, nothing. They’re both all about perspective. Don’t like what you see through your lens or through your life? Change the composition. Pan slightly to the left or to the right. Crop out the people, places, and habits that no longer serve you. Lacking direction, meaning, purpose? Zoom out. Keep zooming out...
A reframe is a comment or a question that helps someone think differently about something. The picture hasn’t changed, but how you frame it has. And framing can make all the difference. The ability to help someone reframe is one of those superpower skills to develop as a leader or a coach. Mark D was one such coach. I’ve written before about Mark D – the inspiring strength coach I had while...
In June of this year I crossed off a major item on my bucket list by playing in the 2016 World Series of Poker held at the Rio Casino in Las Vegas. It was the culmination of a journey that started 10 years ago, when a teammate from my university soccer team coaxed me into signing-up on an online poker site so that he could redeem a $25 referral bonus — something he had exploited so well that it...
My roommate was laying on his bed, staring blankly at the bare ceiling. We were sharing a tiny concrete cell roughly 7 square feet in size, and we hadn’t spoken to each other in 8 days. Normally if you haven’t spoken to your roommate in 8 days it’s because you’re fighting. But we weren’t fighting. We were meditating. When I arrived in Myanmar the only thing I knew about Vipassana Meditation was...
With one quick exhale the shaman blew out the remaining candle and we were left sitting in the deep darkness of the Amazon with nothing but the moon and stars to illuminate our surroundings. I smiled, took a slow, deep breath, and closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes I found the French girl in our group lying in the fetal position at my feet, in the dirt, crying uncontrollably as she pulled at...
Life is hard. It’s hard looking forward, but it can be even harder looking back. We are essentially living two lives — we are characters living in the story of the present moment (I am sitting in my kitchen writing this article), and we are also characters in the story we’re telling ourselves about the past (I have had a good life). In order to be fully content, it seems as...
We are all creators. I played soccer for 20 years and when I think back to what it was I loved so much about the game, it was the creativity. It was the ability to create. Every time I got the ball I had a chance to create something – a move, a pass, a shot, a goal. Sometimes it was beautiful, sometimes it wasn’t, but it was all art. It was all an expression of who I was in that moment. In...
What the heck is a sleep coach? That was my first thought when my previous employer offered me an opportunity to connect with one of these specialized coaches. I’m a professional leadership coach myself and even I was skeptical about what exactly I could get out of a session with a sleep coach. But I was desperate. It had been two months since I had a decent night’s sleep and I’d found myself in...
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone” wrote the French philosopher Blaise Pascal back in the 17th century. According to Pascal, we fear the silence and we dread boredom. If at all possible, we would much rather fill our lives with distraction. We would rather do anything than get to know our true selves. Enter coronavirus, the...
I grew up with the most inspiring brother you could imagine. When I was a kid he used to put motivational messages up around my room. I remember waking up and seeing his handwriting on the ceiling above my bed: “Did you get better today?” I was 11 years old. I’d turn on my computer to see that he’d changed my desktop background: “Someone somewhere is working harder than you.” Who has a brother...
There are three levels of happiness. The first level is reached through pleasure. We eat, drink, or experience something that feels good and we’re rewarded with dopamine. This level of happiness is CHEMICAL. The second level is reached through narrative. We look at our job, our achievements (or perceived lack thereof), our family life…and we tell ourselves a story about it all. A story of...
If you want to become a great leader, study a great mother. Yesterday I asked one such great mother (my own), “What’s the role of a mother?” Without hesitation, she provided an answer: “To love, nurture, and protect.” Isn’t that the role of every leader? The expression of love will look different in a professional setting compared to a family setting, but it is still love that your people are...
Up the ladder, down the ladder. Wherever you are in your professional life, it might be said that you are on some rung of the career ladder. The top and bottom rungs of that ladder may have been defined by you or, more likely, by society. But either way, you’re on a rung. Naturally, we all want to do what one wants to do when on a ladder: CLIMB! And so it is, perhaps quite naturally, that...
This is it, this is it, this is it. Look around. This is life. This desk, this weather, this taxi driver. This body, this family, this job. Life doesn’t start tomorrow. Life doesn’t start when the weather gets better, when I get a better job, when I make more money, when I publish a book. Look around. This is life. Right here, right now. It’s a mess, and it’s beautiful. This is it, this is...
I love questions. I’ve spent the entirety of my professional life in sales, and the entirety of my personal life in philosophy. Two pastimes deeply rooted in questions. Questions challenge. And questions help us get to the core. Salesmen and philosophers alike need to do both. The difference between a good salesman and a great salesman is not their ability to sell, but their ability to ask the...
There’s a story in psychology circles about a man who was deathly afraid of riding in a car. He had been to a number of psychiatrists and no one could find a way to help. They tried probing with powerful questions, digging into his past, looking for reasons why the phobia was there, recommending books, psychotherapy — the whole lot. Until he came to his final psychiatrist. After...
